Broken Heart - God Fixed It

Hello my sisters and brothers in Christ!

I pray you and yours are doing well. I am doing awesome, thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Sometime last week, I was watching the birthday celebration of my oldest niece; this was my first time watching the video. I served as MC for the event and with 2 years gone by, I completely forgot how wonderful of an event it was and how much fun I had with the kids, celebrating my brother's and sister-in-love's daughter on her first birthday. Upon watching this video, the thing that resonated to me the most was how much energy I had and how I seemed so happy. On the contrary, this was a time that I was the saddest and in so much emotional pain. I was surviving on a broken heart. However, for the love of my sweet niece and my unfortunate ways of forcing myself to overcome trials, I put on a happy face and exuded joy for the event.

So what caused this heartbreak? Simple - a breakup from a 3 years and 7 months relationship. The way it ended shattered my heart,especially because of how I felt towards this guy and what we had. For the first time, I actually felt pain in my chest from being hurt. Usually folks say "I'm so hurt," and this time around, I actually felt pain, it wasn't just a statement. Just from a thought of him, my chest would start getting tight. Not only was my heart broken, it also hardened my heart. With a hardened heart, I lived with unforgiveness and bitterness towards him because that was my way of dealing with it. However, I was hurting myself by doing this. I recall sometime last year attending a poetry event and one of the poets said "unforgiveness is letting someone live in your head rent-free." Which is absolutely correct! By holding a grudge towards this guy and expecting to live in complete happiness was ludicrous. He may have hurt me but I took the baton from him and continued hurting myself by living with bitterness and not forgiving. I was that stupid gymnast who thought putting a compression wrap around a broken ankle and continuing to tumble would heal it. With respect to my broken heart, I had the mentality of life goes on and entertained and allowed other men to come into my life and even considered giving them this broken heart of mine. Being that I am the type to not be vocal about my feelings, I bottled up my pain and put on a happy face. My family and friends encouraged me to talk about it but I felt like that did not make a difference. Crying? Nope. That didn't happen. For many years, I had trained myself so well to not cry for someone that that kept me going.

For a year and half, I handled it my way, thinking that will help heal my broken heart. I remained hurt and I was that gymnast tumbling on a broken ankle. Hurting but pretending all is well just because life goes on right? Wrong. I am a strong woman and by not talking about it will heal me, right? Wrong. I can just proceed to another guy and that will fix my heart, right? WRONG! Fast forward to a year and 5 months later - I finally forgave and bitterness towards this guy was gone. First, all credit goes to God. He restored my peace and joy.  When I finally surrendered and submitted to God that I was tired of being angry towards this guy, He worked on me. God did not put my broken heart together like a puzzle, but better, He gave me a new heart! A heart that loves. A heart that forgives. A heart that cares. A heart that gives. He gave me a gracious heart. When I went to God asking Him for help, Holy Spirit asked me: if God could forgive you for your sins and love you unconditionally even in times when you neglected Him, then why can't you forgive this guy? That conviction from the Holy Spirit was the final piece to moving on emotionally. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

What I thought was interesting regarding this whole situation was that even though I had rededicated my life to Christ, I still held on to this bitterness towards this guy. It's interesting because I sought God out to forgive me, which He did, but I didn't forgive someone else. And then last year, God used Priscilla Shirer's book "The Resolution for Women" to help me with forgiveness and giving grace to others. Reading this book was a life-changing experience for me and I spent time on each chapter by personally examining myself. The chapter that covered forgiveness and bitterness really convicted me and was key in helping me get to where God needed me. Ephesians 4:31 tells us to Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. By adhering to God's commands on moving forward, He led me to do and say things that others may think is stupid but being that I was being led by the Holy Spirit, I had no cares and just obeyed. Upon obeying and going through God's processes, I felt the weight of unforgiveness and bitterness lifted off me. God restored me. Now God has put me in such a good place that I can even pray for this guy and trust God to bless and keep him. Let us be reminded of what it says in 1 John 4:10, This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Now I have my peace and joy

One more thing. Now, I acknowledge that this heartbreak and this process of overcoming it was all part of God's plan for my life. Prior to this, life really was peaches and cream for me. I had never experienced heartbreak in any way. Of course I wouldn't pray for it or wish it on anyone else, but this definitely built up my character. Not only did I learn to forgive others, but more importantly forgiving myself. For someone whose life motto is "excellence and nothing less," I tend to be too hard on myself, however, God is teaching me how to live a fulfilled life but also relying on Him regardless of the outcome. Now, when something happens (real-life or dream) I always go to God and ask "Lord, what do you want me to learn from this?" Additionally, by having experienced this I was blessed with a powerful testimony and God was glorified. Being that I have experienced this, I am equipped in a little way to help others now and in the future going through something similar. So if you can relate to my experience or know someone experiencing this, I suggest going to God and expressing your desire to live a forgiving and bitter-free life. You don't have to hold on to a grudge for a year like I did, Christ came to give you an abundant life, live that life. God is faithful, He will do it. God will give you a new heart and restore your peace and joy. Once again, living this fulfilled life now is a manifestation of God in my life and not because I received any apology or acknowledgement from the guy or anything from the world. My relationship with the guy remains the same BUT my thoughts towards him has changed and my heart is in the best condition than it has ever been in. I am happy! So give it all to God if you can relate to what I've shared. Moving forward through Christ, your love will grow bountifully and you will be willing to give others grace. Your life and future relationships will be better and sweeter. Trust me! Remain encouraged with what it says in Jude 1:21, Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

God bless you.

Jesus loves you.

Restored woman living for God's Glory,
Ruby B. Johnson.

Have you given your heart to God? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal savior? If you die today, will you make it to Heaven? If no or you are unsure, do not waste any more time and receive salvation now.